I’ll never forget when it hit me. I was in a living room with a group of people I really liked—folks full of good ideas about where our ministry could go next. There was a lot of energy, plenty of suggestions about curriculum, events, and service projects. But after a while, I realized nobody was actually making a decision.

That was the moment it clicked. People weren’t just hoping for another discussion—they were looking for someone to lead. Not just another voice, but someone to move things forward. It was a reminder that leadership isn’t just about being liked. It’s about being trusted, and trust shows up when we’re clear, decisive, and willing to take responsibility.

From Fellowship to Function: The Shift Every Leader Faces

Ministry is relational at its core. Most of us start because we genuinely care about people and their stories. Early on, you’re right in the middle of things—just one of the group. You’re a friend, not “the boss.”

But roles change. Maybe you get promoted, maybe your responsibilities grow, or maybe you just realize people are looking to you for direction. Suddenly, the folks who used to be your ministry teammates are now looking for you to set the agenda and make the call.

You can still be relational. That doesn’t go away. But with leadership comes responsibility. And sometimes that means making decisions people won’t always love.

Leadership Is Built on Trust, Not Popularity

One of the toughest lessons for new leaders is that you can’t lead well if your main goal is to be everyone’s best friend. If you’re always trying to keep the peace or avoid tough conversations, sooner or later you’ll end up compromising either the mission or your own integrity. Leadership isn’t about being popular—it’s about being trustworthy, honest, and consistent.

That doesn’t mean you stop caring about people. Far from it. But it does mean you’re willing to have hard conversations and make tough calls, even if it isn’t always met with applause. Over time, people respect that. They may not always agree, but they’ll trust you if you’re clear, consistent, and keep the mission at the center.

Navigating the Pendulum: Relational and Responsible

The shift from friend to leader can feel like a pendulum. Sometimes, we swing toward keeping everyone happy and maintaining close relationships. Other times, we feel the pull to focus on getting things done, even if it means creating some distance. The real challenge is holding the middle—leading with both conviction and care.

You don’t have to pick between being relational and being responsible. The best leaders find ways to do both.

How This Plays Out Day to Day

So how do you actually make the shift? Here are a few things I’ve learned:

1. Lead with Clarity

• People don’t need you to have every answer, but they do need you to be clear. Set expectations, communicate goals, and don’t let confusion linger. Clarity builds trust.

2. Invest in Relationships

• Your job title may change, but your care for people shouldn’t. Check in regularly, pray for your team, get to know their families and what matters to them. People will follow when they know you’re genuinely for them.

3. Don’t Avoid Hard Conversations

• Speaking the truth in love is part of the job. Don’t dodge tough topics. Prepare, pray, and be honest. Hard conversations now are better than big problems later

4, Check Your Motives

• We all have insecure moments. If you find yourself making decisions out of fear or a need to prove something, it’ll usually come out in your leadership—either by being too harsh or too hands-off. Invite feedback, keep perspective, and remember your identity is in Christ.

5. Stay Accountable

• No matter your role, you need people who can speak truth into your life. Surround yourself with mentors and peers who keep you humble and growing. Feedback isn’t failure—it’s part of healthy leadership.